Parenting is a Learned Skill, Not an Instinct
Parenting is not something we are born with. It is a skill that requires effort, learning, and intentional action. Over 60% of parents feel unprepared for modern parenting challenges. Many new parents mistakenly believe they’ll instinctively know how to raise children. This assumption often comes from our experiences of being parented. But how effective were those methods towards achieving parenting success? And how much do they still hold up in today’s world?
Great parents aren’t born; they are made.
Wendy Ologe
Raising emotionally intelligent and resilient children requires learning, growth, and a willingness to adapt. Let’s explore what intentional parenting truly means and how it can transform your journey.
Why Parenting in the 21st Century is Different
The Shift in Challenges
Parenting today is significantly more complex than it was for previous generations. The advent of Social media, technology, and shifting cultural norms present new obstacles that require modern solutions. For example, navigating screen time boundaries or addressing online bullying are challenges our parents didn’t face.
This generational gap and new parenting challenges often leave modern parents feeling unprepared. To bridge this gap, we must embrace parenting as an evolving skill. One that grows alongside our children and adapts to the times.
Breaking the Cycle of Assumptions
Many parents find it easy to believe that parenting comes naturally. After all, humans have been raising children for centuries. But sadly, many of us unconsciously repeat the same parenting patterns we experienced as children. Parenting patterns that might not be effective or healthy in today’s world. To parent intentionally, we must unlearn old habits and replace them with proven and effective new strategies.
Foundations of Intentional Parenting
1. Parenting is a Relationship
At the core of parenting is building a relationship with your child. Building relationships requires trust, respect, and connection. A parent who spends quality time with their children for at least 20-30 uninterrupted minutes daily will build connection and trust and deepen relationships with the children. As Parents, we should prioritize spending time with our children. While spending this time with our children, we should remember that it is not about the quantity of time that matters but the quality of the connection, so stay present and avoid distractions, especially with your phones.
2. Parenting is a Skill You Can Learn
Like any other skill, parenting can be learned and improved through education and practice. You can achieve parenting education by reading books and attending courses and workshops from renowned parenting coaches and authors like Wendy Ologe. This offers valuable insights into child development, emotional intelligence, and communication skills.
3. Parenting Must Be Purposeful
Raising children isn’t just about getting through the day. It’s about shaping the adults they will become. Intentional parenting means having a clear vision for your children’s future and aligning your actions with that vision. For example, if you value kindness, model and encourage acts of kindness daily for your children. You can also write down your parenting goals and revisit them regularly to stay focused.
Key Strategies for Becoming an Intentional Parent
1. Focus on Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the cornerstone of effective parenting. When parents understand and manage their emotions, they model healthy behavior for their children. As parents, we should practice emotional regulation by taking a deep breath before reacting to challenging situations. Our calmness will teach our children how to handle their own emotions when the need arises.
We should also encourage open communication in our homes by creating a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or shutting down.
Instead of yelling, “Shut up,” or telling your child, “They talk too much,” give them a listening ear by saying, “What is it that you want to say or know about? Let’s talk about it.”
2. Connection Before Correction
Children thrive on connection. Before trying to change a behavior, ensure your child feels loved and understood. When children feel connected, they’re more open to correction and guidance. This approach helps them know you’re on their side, not against them. This creates a strong bond. And they will be more likely to listen and respond to your feedback.
For instance, if your child is showing some negative behaviors, instead of giving out immediate punishment without knowing the root cause, you can try to talk with your child to find out why the behavior occurs. This will make them feel loved and help you connect with them more.
3. Learn to Adapt Your Style
Every child is unique, and what works for one child might not work for another. Adapting your parenting style to fit your child’s personality and needs is crucial.
For example, a sensitive child may need gentler communication, while a strong-willed child might respond better to clear boundaries. We must learn to adapt to our children’s uniqueness rather than a one-size-fits-all approach.
4. Invest in Parenting Education
Knowledge is power. Parenting education provides tools and strategies to make the parenting journey smoother and more effective. You can join online parenting groups, like The Intentional Parenting Academy, or local support groups. These groups allow you to share your experiences and learn from others.
The Benefits of Intentional Parenting
1. Stronger Family Bonds
When parents focus on connection, their relationships with their children flourish. This foundation of trust leads to open communication and mutual respect.
2. Resilient and Emotionally Intelligent Children
Children raised intentionally are better equipped to navigate life’s challenges. They develop emotional intelligence, problem-solving skills, and self-confidence.
3. Personal Growth for Parents
Parenting isn’t just about the child; it’s about you
Wendy Ologe
As parents, we must learn to grow and develop ourselves daily to foster self-awareness, patience, and emotional intelligence.
Common Myths About Parenting
Myth 1: Parenting Comes Naturally
Reality: While instincts play a role, effective parenting requires learning and intentional effort.
Myth 2: Discipline Equals Punishment
Reality: Discipline is about teaching, not punishment. Intentional parents focus on guiding their child’s behavior through connection and understanding.
Myth 3: Good Parenting Means Controlling Your Child
Reality: Effective parenting is about guiding and empowering your children, not controlling them.
A Personal Story of Transformation
Before joining The Intentional Parenting Academy, I thought love and good intentions were enough to parent my children. But, over time, I found myself doing what I didn’t want to do in my parenting. I was repeating my parents’ mistakes. I saw myself yelling, seeking control, and forcing my toddler to obey and follow instructions, behaviors I had vowed to avoid.
It wasn’t until I committed to learning through “The Intentional Parenting Academy (Innercircle Program)” that I saw real change. I read books, took courses, and practiced new strategies. Slowly but surely, I am becoming the parent I want to be. One that connects before correction, listens before reaction, and guides with empathy.
Today, I am building a stronger bond with my young children than ever. I’ve also learned that parenting isn’t about perfection but progress.
Conclusion
Parenting is one of the most important jobs you’ll ever have, requiring continuous learning and growth. By embracing intentional parenting strategies, you can create a loving and supportive environment where your children thrive, and your family bonds deepen.
Parenting is a journey, not a destination.
Wendy Ologe.
Remember, great parents are not born; they are made through dedication, education, and a commitment to improving daily.
Start your intentional parenting journey today, and watch as your family transforms.
Thank you and God bless.
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